


Stucky for the Holidays

by jaybird6232



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel
Genre: Christmas fic, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-09-24 20:24:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17107532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaybird6232/pseuds/jaybird6232
Summary: “We’ll just make more!” Steve shouts from the living space as Bucky walks away, making him chuckle. They had already spent three hours making various treats, ranging from cookies to cakes to pies, for Peggy’s Christmas Party in a few days. While his friend enjoys baking, Bucky finds the decorating part more enjoyable. But with Steve up on the ladder decorating the top of the tree because “Shut up Bucky, let me be tall for once”, Bucky is now on cookie duty.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Just something quick I wanted to write for the holidays. Enjoy :)
> 
> VERY UNBETA-ED BTW. I WROTE THIS IN FIVE MINUTES

“Buck, can you pull the cookies out of the oven? They’re gonna burn and I forgot to set the timer.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sets down his box of Christmas decorations on the carpet beside him and moves to stand, hoisting himself up from the ground and making his way into the kitchen. He’s in Steve’s apartment for the weekend, the two of them decorating the space for the holidays. The two of them had been so caught up at work, Steve with his bakery and Bucky with his Executive Position at Stark Tech, that neither of them had had the time to get together and liven up Steve’s apartment. Bucky never has to worry about his apartment, a room at Stark Tower that automatically decorates steals the fun out of the holidays, so he spends most of his time over at Steve’s so they can get more creative with the decorations.

Christmas music swims around the apartment, ranging from the classics to more modern day tracks, but from the tune Steve is humming, it’s neither apparently. “I did remind you to set the timer though, so don’t get mad if I pull out burned cookies.”

“We’ll just make more!” Steve shouts from the living space as Bucky walks away, making him chuckle. They had already spent three hours making various treats, ranging from cookies to cakes to pies, for Peggy’s Christmas Party in a few days. While his friend enjoys baking, Bucky finds the decorating part more enjoyable. But with Steve up on the ladder decorating the top of the tree because  _ “Shut up Bucky, let me be tall for once” _ , Bucky is now on cookie duty.

Bucky grabs the oven mitts lying on the counter top and slides them over his hands, before turning off the heat to the oven and pulling open the door. The smell of sugar and cinnamon hits his nose as soon as he does, filling the kitchen with the marvelous scent.

He has always loved Steve’s cooking and his wonderful baking. Bucky is always stunned by Steve’s ability to make a delicious meal from practically nothing, maybe only some leftovers Bucky may have in his fridge. Whenever Steve comes to visit him at work, his friend demands to use the stove in his room because he loves how it operates. Bucky never complains, because he knows that he will be getting an amazing meal so long as he provides the wine and movies.

And do not even get him started on Steve’s baking skills. They could outsell anything in the world, Bucky is convinced of such a prospect. Each cake is made from scratch, recipes that Steve developed himself after several trials and errors. Each pie is full of flavour and makes you want to savour every bite; even Bucky’s grandmother claimed that Steve made better pies than her, so it has been a running joke to call Steve  _ ‘grandma’ _ whenever he comes to visit with food in his hands. 

“Oh god,”

“What happened?” Steve calls back, hearing Bucky’s distress.

“It’s the cookies…”

“No! Please don’t tell me they burned!” Bucky hears Steve shuffling in the living room, before there is a loud thud from him jumping off the ladder. “Please don’t be burned, please don’t be burned.” Steve is mumbling the whole way to the kitchen, and Bucky has to hide his laughter as best as possible when Steve walks into the kitchen. “Don’t be burned, don’t be–”

“They’re absolutely perfect.”

Steve stops in front of the tray and frowns up at him, flipping him off. “You know, you’re an asshole.”

“You love me,” Bucky shoots back as he carefully places the cookies on a wire rack to cool them down. Steve snorts behind him, smacking him on the back of his head before he walks back out into the living space.

“I tolerate you on a good day,” Steve calls as he leaves the kitchen. Bucky can’t help but roll his eyes, keeping quiet as he places each cookie carefully on the rack, not wanting to mess up Steve’s hard work by rushing. Once they are all set up to cool, Bucky places the pan in the sink to wash later and rejoins Steve in the living room.

“How’s the view from up there, Steve? Can you finally see the top shelf?” Steve casually flips him off from his spot on the ladder as he places ornaments on the top branches of the tree, making Bucky laugh loudly. “From this vantage point, I’m seeing all the different ways I could kill you from up here. The list is real fuckin’ long.”

It is so easy between the two of them. Having known each other practically since the womb does that to people. Their mothers’ had met in grade school and stayed good friends all through adulthood. When his mother announced that she was pregnant with him, Steve’s mom was not too far behind to make an announcement of her own. After they were born, they were connected at the hip. Wherever Steve went, Bucky  _ had _ to go, and vice versa. From kindergarten to the first day of college, they have been by each other’s sides; always supportive and always looking out for one another, making sure to never leave the other behind. Bucky couldn’t imagine a life without his best pal. It’s simply perfect, and he wouldn’t change it for anything.

Although he wishes his friend had more success in the dating department.

“How are things going with Brock?” Bucky questions, picking up his box of ornaments and sitting back down on the carpet. Steve scoffs above him, blowing out a sharp breath of annoyance. Bucky feels regret swell in his chest upon hearing Steve’s reaction, not wanting to bring up unwanted emotions from his friend, especially around the holidays.

“I am trying to stay as far away from him as possible. He does not catch onto the fact that I’m not interested.”

“How about Jack? Granted you guys met like once, but I know his bedroom eyes when I see them.” Again, Steve rolls his eyes. “I guess he’s cute. In a cocky, strange sort of way. But I don’t really think he’s the guy for me. Stop trying to set me up with every gay person you know, you think I’m going to automatically want to date them. Stop that.”

“I don’t know how that stuff works! Don’t hate me, Rogers.”

“I could never,” Steve replies, his voice soft and genuine. “But I wish you would ask me about this stuff instead of randomly setting me up with people. I came out to you in high school, you should know my taste in men right about now.”

“Well, I guess I’m horribly unobservant.” Bucky goes back to decorating, carefully spacing each ornament on the branches. In doing so, he misses the sad look Steve throws his way, and the whisper that mumbles its way past the blond’s lips.  _ “Yeah, yeah you really are.” _


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jesus, it’s not even Christmas yet and you’re stuffing me with the best food in the world. This is a crime.” Bucky groans, sitting back in his chair and tossing his balled up napkin onto the plate, patting his stomach comically. He does not understand why Steve treats him so well, with great meals and even better friendship, Bucky isn’t sure exactly what he did to deserve someone like Steve in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow wow, this is a super short chapter. Sorry guys, I want to get this story completely out before Christmas Day, so the chapters are going to be far shorter than my usual. Oh well, enjoy lovelies!

“Jesus, it’s not even Christmas yet and you’re stuffing me with the best food in the world. This is a crime.” Bucky groans, sitting back in his chair and tossing his balled up napkin onto the plate, patting his stomach comically. He does not understand why Steve treats him so well, with great meals and even better friendship, Bucky isn’t sure exactly what he did to deserve someone like Steve in his life.

“If that’s your way of saying thank you for cooking dinner,” Steve rises, gathering his own plate from the table, leaving Bucky with nothing else to do but grab his plate too and follow Steve into the kitchen. The second Steve leaves, he already feels lonely. He hates feeling alone. “You are failing miserably. I hope you know that.”

“Oh how could I ever repay you?” Bucky sets down his plate by the sink and taps his chin in thought, pretending to decide. Steve puts his dishes down and turns to look at him, arms crossed with a smile draped across his lips. “Carpool for a week? Making me the designated driver on Fridays? Or…” Bucky notices that Steve’s eyes go wide when Bucky smirks at him and steps close, but he has not realized that he now has Steve backed up against the kitchen island, the blond staring up at him quizzically. Steve swallows quietly, staring up at him with the most innocent eyes someone could possess, while Bucky nearly loses it by trying to tease Steve and be funny. “Or maybe, there’s another way I can repay you?”

“I think there is, yes.”

Bucky has no clue of what he’s doing, he is too absorbed in the moment to find this interaction anything but normal for the two of them. He isn’t understanding what this may mean for Steve, he only sees this as some playful banter between them. “Yeah? What’s that?” Before he can inch any closer, Steve shoves a wash rag in his face with a witty laugh.

“You can wash the dishes, you ungrateful fuck.”

“Dish duty? Again?” Bucky mumbles from underneath the rag, pouting like an absolute child. He sees Steve lift up the corner just enough to see him and ask, “You want to cook instead?”

“Oh boy, look at all these dishes! They’re calling me. Sorry Steve, I have more important matters to attend to.” Bucky removes the rag from his face and backs away from his friend, turning around to get to work. Steve stays the kitchen as he washes the dishes, the blond sitting on the counter top right beside him, the two of them talking about everything and nothing. Half the time, Bucky does not pay much attention to their topics of conversation; as long as he is with Steve, the two of them enjoying each other’s company, then the topic never really matters. All that matters is his friend.

With Steve by his side, Bucky does not realize that he is already on his last dish until he reaches into the sink only to find it empty. Turning off the water, Bucky pulls the rag from his shoulder and dries his hands, tossing it on the counter and looking to Steve. “Movies?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Steve seems to wake with excitement, making grabby hands at Bucky. With a chuckle, Bucky moves over so he is standing directly in front of Steve, and waits while his friend climbs onto his back.

“I feel like a packmule every time you do this.”

“And I feel like a five year old, but you don’t hear me complaining.”

Bucky holds tight to Steve’s legs and walks back to the living space, stopping at the light switch near the entrance so Steve can turn off the lights. Once the kitchen is encased in the darkness of night, Bucky walks over to the couch and dumps Steve onto it haphazardly. The blond laughs loudly on the way down, giggling into the cushions as Bucky stands over him. “You really are a child, God.”

Steve peaks up at him, the movement so innocent and pure, and whispers, “Yeah I know,” and Bucky couldn’t explain it if he tried. There is… a strange thumping in his chest. He’s experienced it before, usually it’s around Steve, but this time he is fully… noticing it? He does not understand. Steve looked up at him like Bucky was everything to him, that playful smile on his lips. It’s probably nothing. Usually it’s nothing.

Bucky clears his throat in an attempt to clear his thoughts, instead asking Steve what movie he’d like to watch. Steve answers, Bucky selects it, almost like a routined, habitual movement. And just like always, as soon as Bucky takes a seat on the couch and hits play, Steve is cuddling into his side and pulling a blanket over the two of them. His arm finds itself around Steve’s shoulders in an instant, pulling the smaller man towards him by pure instinct. Almost like he must have Steve tucked into his side or he might lose his mind.

_Oh god, what is happening?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! If you did, please leave a comment/kudos, the support keeps me writing :)
> 
> Be sure to follow me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jaybird6232), and check out the newest chapter of my [Pirate Story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112995/chapters/27467868).
> 
> See you guys soon!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At this, Tony stops his pacing and whips his head around to look at Bucky. A few moments pass before Tony lets out a god awful laugh, bending forward and holding his stomach as he lets it out. He ends up laughing so hard that Bucky watches the man fall to the floor, cradling his stomach as he continues to let out the loudest volume of laughter known to man.
> 
> “Tony, what the fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve!!! And for those of you who celebrate something else, I hope you all have a wonderful time with friends and family! <3
> 
> Enjoy lovelies!
> 
> HEAVILY UNBETA-ED, SO IF THERE ARE SPELLING/GRAMMAR ERRORS I'M SO SORRY!!!!

Bucky had never meant for this to happen. 

He never meant to break Steve’s heart. 

He never wanted to ruin what they had. 

But he did, and it’s all his goddamned fault.

Bucky couldn’t help himself. Sitting there on the couch, a movie that he can’t even remember the name of playing on the television, with Steve tucked under his arm felt like heaven. The blond, small and warm, cuddling into his side made his heart race, but he didn’t understand it. He had never thought of Steve in such a way before, never wanting to let go… 

But Steve looked so pretty against the glow of the television. His full lips cracking a smile every few minutes in tandem with the laughter in the film. Those lashes that stretch for miles framing those beautiful eyes so perfectly, Bucky couldn’t help but stare. It was like watching an artist put together a masterpiece right before his eyes; so perfect, just absolutely stunning, Bucky could’ve cried. 

So, yes. He couldn’t help but stare. He must have been staring for so long that Steve ended up turning to him, playfully booping him on the nose with his index finger. “Quit starin’ and watch the movie, you jerk.”

But Bucky didn’t want to watch the movie, that was the farthest thing from what he wanted. No. What he wanted was his lips on Steve’s, kissing the very life out of him like he was starving for it. He didn’t know  _ why _ he wanted this, but he wanted this more than anything. He needed it. His grip around Steve’s waist tightened, slowly pulling the blond closer to him; they were already touching, but Christ, Steve felt so far away.

Steve obviously noticed the change on his hip and glanced up at Bucky, curiosity lacing his features. Dear Lord, that beautiful fuckin’ face. Bucky’s still staring, fully aware that Steve can  _ see _ him looking right at him, but he doesn’t stop. They’re looking right at each other, and it is almost as if Bucky is seeing Steve in a whole new light.

“Bucky?”

They’re so close now, Bucky pulling Steve towards him while he moves in, the movie now forgotten in the background. In seconds, before Bucky can truly register what he’s doing, his other hand is resting on Steve’s cheek and he is kissing those plush, soft lips. It’s perfect, something he never knew he wanted or needed, but now he can’t get enough.

Steve lets out a small noise of surprise when Bucky pulls him over his lap, grabbing handfuls of his ass while he desperately chases after Steve’s lips. When Steve cants his hips, letting out the softest whimper Bucky has ever heard, he loses it. In an instant, he’s picking Steve up and holding him tightly, walking them over to Steve’s bedroom and kicking open the door.

Walking over to the bed, Bucky gently places Steve down and climbs over him, leaving open mouthed kisses down his slim neck. Steve is a beautiful moaning mess beneath him, his hands grabbing at every part of Bucky’s body that he can. Bucky loves every second of it, from the taste of Steve’s lips to the feeling of his hands over his body. It’s all perfect.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty,” Bucky mumbles, unbuttoning the flannel covering the blond’s body. Steve whimpers again at his words, eyes closed and head digging back into the pillow. “I can’t wait to take you apart.”

Bucky makes quick work of Steve’s clothing, leaving his friend in nothing but his boxer briefs and socks. He barely has time to admire the sight before him, before Steve is tugging haphazardly at shirt, desperately trying to get it off. “Hang on, sweetheart,” Bucky whispers, before sitting up, lifting his hands and letting Steve pull the fabric over his body and off his shoulders, leaving him bare chested on his knees over Steve. Steve sends him a glazed smile and pulls him back down, kissing down his neck and leaving Bucky to moan into the crook of his neck.

Wait.

Steve… Steve is in  _ his _ arms, kissing down  _ his _ chest.  _ Steve. _

_ What the fuck am I doing? _ Bucky thinks, pulling his head back a bit. Steve continues his ministrations, going down his neck and over his chest. This is his best friend, his right hand man. They… They aren’t  _ lovers _ . This is not how it’s supposed to go. Why did he kiss Steve? Why didn’t Steve  _ stop him? _

“Wait, wait a second,”

Steve pulls away as soon as Bucky voices his discomfort and sits up, concern in his voice. “Bucky, is everything alright? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. No, God, this is all my fault,” And, being the asshole that he is, Bucky pulls away from Steve, removing himself from the bed and searching around the dark room for his shirt. “I did. I’m the one who did something wrong.”

“What… what do you mean?” Bucky hates the sound of worry in fear in Steve’s voice, even more so than normal because now  _ he _ is the cause of it. “We shouldn’t be doing this, I– I can’t be doing this.” Bucky finally finds his shirt after what feels like hours, slipping it on so fast that he does not realize that it is inside out and backwards. What a mess he is.

“What? Hold on,  _ you _ kissed  _ me _ first. You started this–”

“And I am going to finish this, because we can’t do this–”

“Why not–”

“Because it’s not like that, Steve! I made a mistake, got caught up in the moment. I don’t want this, I don’t want you!” As soon as those words leave his mouth, Bucky wants to smack himself for being such a dick. A look of surprise flashes over Steve’s eyes before the blond is looking down, his hands in his lap as a blanket of uncomfortable silence blankets the room. “No Steve, that’s not what I meant–”

“I think you should leave,” Steve mumbles, reaching out his hand to gather the corners of the blanket on his bed and slowly cover his lap. It’s something Steve does whenever he feels uncomfortable, embarrassed, or unsafe. And thanks to Bucky, he has managed to turn his friend into a ball of all three.

“Steve–”

“Please. Leave.”

Bucky doesn’t argue and does as he is told. He is spewing out a million different apologies, pulling on the shoes he never realised he had kicked off, and looks to Steve one last time before he leaves the bedroom. He knows that he should fix this, that he should not leave until they talk about this, but when he sees Steve’s body shake and a tear make its way down the blond’s cheek, Bucky turns away. He’s crying now too, tears rolling from his eyes as he makes his way out of the apartment, the movie Steve picked out still playing softly in the background.

Bucky, without a doubt, has ruined everything.

___________________________________________________________

 

“So you just up and left?”

“Yes,” Bucky swallows, head in his hands as he contemplates of the actions of last night. “I didn’t know what to do, and then he started crying and–”

“Wait. You got up, after ripping his clothes off and making out, told him you did not want him, and left him there  _ crying _ ?!” Tony is practically yelling at this point, pacing back and forth in front of him. Bucky narrowly misses the bottle of water being thrown at his head, ducking out of the way of Tony’s weapon. “You’re a fucking asshole!”

“Oh you’re one to talk?!” Bucky yells back, his hands in his lap as he glares at Tony. 

“Yes, I am one to talk. I never did that to my best friend, or someone who was so deeply in love with me. I did that to people I didn’t know!” 

“That doesn’t make it any better??” Bucky frowns, now crossing his arms over his chest. “And what do you mean so deeply in love? Steve doesn’t love me, and I don’t love him.”

At this, Tony stops his pacing and whips his head around to look at Bucky. A few moments pass before Tony lets out a god awful laugh, bending forward and holding his stomach as he lets it out. He ends up laughing so hard that Bucky watches the man fall to the floor, cradling his stomach as he continues to let out the loudest volume of laughter known to man.

“Tony, what the fuck.”

“No no! This is so funny,” Tony breathes between giggles, gently wiping his eyes from the tears that had escaped. “But so, so sad at the same time. So blind. So oblivious. Can’t you see that he loves you?”

“I- he what?” What was Bucky hearing? Steve… loves him? That’s impossible. Steve has never shown interest in him, never made any indication that he felt anything more than friendship towards him. 

“Bucky, look at me,” Tony gets up, now fully serious as he kneels down before him. “Who takes care of you when you’re sick?”

“Steve does,” Bucky mumbles, looking at Tony with a frown. 

“Who cooks you dinner even though you have a private chef on call?”

“Steve does,”

“Who has been by your side for years, putting up with your bullshit every goddamned second?”

“Well technically my mother–” Tony quirks an eyebrow, leaving Bucky to only sigh and nod. “Steve.”

“You need to figure out where your head is at, kid. Do you love him? Is he nothing more than a friend? You need to get your shit together and sort things out, because his heart doesn’t deserve to get hurt. He’s a good person, you both are, but you are an asshole for leavin’ him there.”

Tony is right, Bucky has some things he needs to figure out. The billionaire leaves Bucky to contemplate, shutting the door behind him as he exits the apartment. Bucky sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face. Does he love Steve?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! If you did, please leave a comment/kudos, the support keeps me writing! :)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sorry, mate,” The voice says before continuing inside, and Bucky wishes he recognizes it in time. It’s only after Bucky is fixing his coat and looking towards Steve’s table when he realizes it. He sees Rollins walking towards his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. Bucky watches from the front door as Steve turns his head, a broken smile on his face. Fuck, there are even tears in his eyes too. Bucky can’t take another second of it, he turns around and leaves. He’ll talk to Steve soon, but not with Rollins around. The last thing Bucky needs is to see is Rollins undressing Steve with his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, we've hit the end. A few days later than I would have wanted, but with the holidays and family, it got kind of crazy. I hope of all of you had a great holiday season, and HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
> 
> (very unbeta-ed, wrote kinda quick)

Christmas Eve in New York finds Bucky on a street corner, across the street from a diner Peggy said Steve would be at. Bucky had hoped to apologize to Steve at Peggy’s holiday party, to let him know that he had figured where his head is at. It took time; crying for hours because he had hurt his friend, and long periods of confusion when he tried to understand his feelings for Steve.

Bucky spent what felt like forever on the internet, researching different types of sexualities to get a grip on where he may identify. Even though Steve came out to him so long ago, Bucky never thought to explore the community to help better understand his friend. But once he does, he feels so much better. Bucky comes to realize that he has harboured feelings for his best friend for the longest time, and that he is the biggest asshole in the world.

He’s here now, standing across the street form where Peggy told him Steve would be. He wants to make things right. He wants to fix things. Make everything go back to the way it was, and maybe more. Bucky knows he may never be forgiven for what he did, but he will not go on pretending like this is not eating away at him. He must apologize, he has to.

But what he sees in the diner window makes his heart shatter. It’s Steve, looking as lonely as someone could on Christmas Eve, cradling what looks to be a cup of coffee in his hands and sitting by himself in a booth. He’s wearing that beanie Bucky got him last Christmas on his head, and unlike normal, he’s wearing his glasses. Steve never usually wears his glasses out in public, always saying something about how he looks stupid. Bucky thinks he looks beautiful, he always has. Just took him long enough to realize that everything he was feeling for Steve was more than a close friendship.

When the crosswalk light signals for him to cross, Bucky looks both ways before walking across the street at a quick pace, wanting to reach Steve as soon as possible. It doesn’t take him long to reach the diner, but he has to bite his tongue when someone bumps into him as he tries to get inside.

“Sorry, mate,” The voice says before continuing inside, and Bucky wishes he recognizes it in time. It’s only after Bucky is fixing his coat and looking towards Steve’s table when he realizes it. He sees Rollins walking towards his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. Bucky watches from the front door as Steve turns his head, a broken smile on his face. Fuck, there are even tears in his eyes too. Bucky can’t take another second of it, he turns around and leaves. He’ll talk to Steve soon, but not with Rollins around. The last thing Bucky needs is to see is Rollins undressing Steve with his eyes.

___________________________________________________________

“You wanna tell me what happened, or you wanna just sit and let the silence kill ya?”

Steve sniffles, staring into his coffee. “W-what do you wanna know?”

Jack chuckles sorrowfully in front of him, running a hand over his face. “Well, we haven’t talked in weeks, Steve. Then you call me up on Christmas Eve because you need someone to talk to, and you don’t explain anything. That got me worried. Especially since Barnes is your go-to for, well,  _ everything _ . Why me?” Steve visibly flinches, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as a tear threatens to leave his eye. “It’s about him, isn’t it?”

Of course it’s about Bucky, how could it not be? His best friend; the only person who had the guts to stick by him all these years; Steve’s partner in crime in every little shenanigan; and the only person Steve has ever managed to love in his entire life. Steve could spend every waking moment with Bucky and never become bored, never lose interest in the man with beautiful grey eyes. Steve feels at home with Bucky, and he never wants to lose that. Although, judging by the events of a few days ago, he may have already lost it.

Steve nods, setting his coffee down on the table. “Jesus, what did he do? Do I have to hurt him? Punch some sense into him?”

“No no,” Steve mumbles, looking up at Jack’s worried expression with a small smile. “Nothing like that.”

“Then what?” Jack asks, reaching across the table to hold Steve’s hand, comforting him slightly.

“Bucky and I… We kissed.”

Jack grins and laughs quietly to himself. “Well that’s great! Finally you two did something about yourselves!”

“No, no it’s not great.” Steve mutters, pulling off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. He hates the fact that he has to wear these things in public right now, but given the fact that he has been crying for days without end, puffy eyes and contacts won’t agree. “I mean, yeah, kissing him was… perfect. His lips, his hands, everything about it was exactly what I had hoped and more. Fuck,  _ he _ kissed  _ me _ first. Jack, it was probably the best kiss I ever had. And… I just… I don’t know.”

“Steve, what happened?”

“We… we kissed for a little bit, then he took me to the bedroom and I thought we were, you know, gonna do it. Jesus, he basically left me in the nude, save for my underwear and socks. He let me take off his shirt, and he kept… kept tellin’ me things. How he wanted me… But then…”

“Steve… please.”

Steve feels a tear slip down his cheek as Jack squeezes his hand. The irony, Steve telling his friend about his dilemma with Bucky, even though he knows Jack would fuck him if Steve wanted. But that’s not what Steve wants and Jack knows that, their friendship being the only relationship to occur between them. “He said that he couldn’t do it. Didn’t want to, that it was a mistake. Then… then he said he didn’t want me. I couldn’t handle it, Jack, I just couldn’t. I started crying after he left and I just… I fucking hate what he did to me but I want to talk to him about it.”

“Steve, he’s a dick for doing that to you, let’s get that squared away first.” Jack growls, and Steve can’t help the humourless chuckle that leaves his lips. “But if you really want closure on this, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him about it. I will hurt him if he pulls shit like this again though, okay?”

Steve smiles at Jack, knowing that his friend is only saying that to make him feel better; Jack would never beat up Bucky if Steve had something to say about it. “Thanks Jack.”

___________________________________________________________

Bucky stands nervously in front of Steve’s door, working up the courage to knock on the apartment door. He hopes Steve is home by now, not wanting his friend (can he even still call him that?) to be coming home late, especially on Christmas Eve. He wants to apologize, make things right, and explain himself. Bucky knows not to expect their friendship to ever be the same, but he must talk with Steve. Shaking his head, Bucky braces himself for… well, he’s not sure. But he knocks on the door anyways and waits patiently, praying that Steve will be here.

Footsteps echo behind the door on the other side, and Bucky feels terror and relief flood his body at once, leaving him as a mixture of fear. Bucky doesn’t know what to expect when Steve opens the door, but seeing him snuggled up to the brim in cozy pajamas, fuzzy socks, and that same beanie from the diner, Bucky feels his heart speed up in his chest. Steve looks so fucking adorable that he could cry.

“B-Bucky?” Steve doesn’t even attempt to hide his surprise, those gorgeous blue eyes opening wide with surprise, and lips parted in shock. “What are you doing here?”

“I… I have some things I need to say, to clear up, to make right.”

“... Go on…”

“Well, to start of properly, I wanted to apologize for what happened. For what I did.”

“And what exactly did you do?”

Bucky swallows hard. “Kissed you without asking. Touched you in ways I shouldn’t without asking. Then I left like a complete asshole. I said things I deeply regret and I…” Bucky sniffles, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Steve, I do want you. I shouldn’t have said that I didn’t. You never deserved that, and you never will. I shouldn’t have taken the anger from my confusion out on you, and for that I’m sorry.”

“Your… confusion?” Steve questions, quirking an eyebrow in disbelief. “What confusion? You seemed pretty clear that you wanted nothing to do with me after–”

“Dammit, Steve I’m in love with you!” Steve stares at him now, eyes filled with shock. Bucky begins to fidget, looking at everything but the man standing before him. “I never realized it and that’s no excuse for how I treated you, but I needed you to know.  _ Need _ you to know. And I’m so sorry–”

Before Bucky can even finish his statement, Steve is roughly grabbing his shirt front and tugging him into the apartment while mumbling, “You’re an asshole,” under his breath. Their lips connect in seconds, Bucky kicking the door shut behind them. They stay like that for awhile, Bucky’s hands wrapped tightly around Steve’s waist while the latter clings to his neck, and for every second of it, Bucky feels as if he were in heaven.

Yet Steve pulls away before it can go further, pulling back a fraction to stare at him. Steve lifts his hands and playfully smacks his cheek. “That’s for being a dick and runnin’ off.”

“What, that’s all the punishment I get for that?” Bucky jokes, keeping his arms wound tight around Steve, his thumbs rubbing small circles on the exposed skin of the blond’s hips. Steve pretends to think for a moment, “Hmm, maybe we can work up to something. But for now, I want you to cuddle me to death and make me breakfast in the morning. Maybe I’m the dick now, but you were an asshole and you aren’t gonna hear the end of it for a good while.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and nods, kissing the tip of Steve’s nose. “That sounds absolutely perfect, so long as I have you.”

Steve smiles, his hands running through Bucky’s hair. “You always had me, jerk; just took you long enough to realize it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By far the shortest story I've ever written, but that's okay. Maybe I'll touch up on this one day in the future. :)


End file.
